This word was my mantra while I meditated this morning. It really applies to all areas of my life. Excuse my Lloyd Dobler rip-off, but I MUST chill. Whatever messes I have to tidy up in my life will not be solved by my frenetic, obsessive, rotating whirly-gig of emotion I am operating under lately.
I once heard someone describe the voice of God as a "still small voice". That appeals to me ~ a still, small energy gives me peace.
I downloaded what is known as the Gray Sheet plan, a meal plan published by OA. It appears at first glance very Atkins-esque--no man-made carbs, no man made sugar. But unlike Atkins, there is portion control: meals are 1 protein serving/1 fruit or 1 protein/1 Vegetable + salad. The thing I hated most about Atkins (food lists/restricted foods) and the thing I hated most about WW (portion control). Sounds like my personal Diet Hell, no? I am so frustrated that I am actually beginning to surrender to the absurdity of it all: what the hell, right? looks crazy. looks impossible. just might work.
I am sick of working on it all. I am sick of being on the carbohydrate binge/crash cycle that I am convinced is contributing to my emotional turmoil. I am sick of feeling tremendous hope at the beginning of the day and crushing disappointment/shame/guilt at the end of the day. I just want something that I can just give in to--not to many choices; just easy-peasy so I can focus my energy in another direction.
Like trying to locate my son's swim trunks when they were on top of the dresser this morning and I know he hasn't gone swimming yet today so where the frickety-frack could they have gone? See--I got all kinds of fires that need puttin' out.
